Fall into a Fortune

Getting an audit notice is never anyone's idea of fun. But getting audited isn't always the disaster it might seem. In fact, for fiscal 2012, 107,820 lucky winners got refunds after their audits. Granted, that's still shy of seven percent of everyone audited that year. But it proves you can walk away from the IRS a winner.

Here's a clever strategy one taxpayer used to walk away from the IRS with a windfall. But you might want to be careful before you try it yourself!

William Berroyer owned an HVAC contracting company on Long Island. On July 3, 2008, he met with the IRS at their Hauppauge office to discuss a $60,000 payroll tax bill he owed on behalf of his business. The agent in charge of his case directed Berroyer to a conference table, where he nervously worked out a payment plan. As he stood up to leave, he twisted his foot in about 15 feet of telephone cord, spun around, hit a metal file cabinet, and landed flat on the floor.

At first he said he felt fine — he just wanted to get out of that conference room and back to his office. But then he called the auditor from the parking lot to say he had lost feeling in his lower leg. He made it back to his shop alright, but soon felt even worse and headed for the hospital. Berroyer wound up spending seven days in the emergency room and 10 days in rehab. Five years after the accident, he spends most of his time in a wheelchair and can't walk more than a few feet without canes. His injuries have interfered with all aspects of his life, including his work, his boating, his golf game, and even his no-longer-twice-weekly "special time" with Mrs. Berroyer.

(You already know where we're headed, don't you?) Naturally, Bennoyer sued. For $10 million.

There wasn't much argument over liability. The real contest focused on the extent of the injury. (Translation — was he just faking it?) Hospital records reported his diagnosis as "acute paraplegia, psychogenic in origin." Another doctor noted "Neuro exam and MRI findings not consistent with subjective complaints . . . . Affect is somewhat inappropriately bright." At trial, the government's medical expert conceded Berroyer had probably bruised his spinal cord, but that mild injury should long since have passed. Asked directly if Berroyer was faking or malingering, he replied "I don't use the terms faking or malingering. I use the term nonphysiological." (And really, doesn't "nonphysiological" sound so much better than "faking"?)

Judge Arthur Spatt ultimately ruled that the IRS's negligence had caused a "mild spinal cord injury." He awarded Berroyer $112,000 in medical expenses, plus $350,000 for past pain and suffering, plus another $250,000 for future pain and suffering. Oh, and he threw in another $150,000 for Mrs. Berroyer's "loss of services." And the best part . . .? Internal Revenue Code Section 104 says that compensation for injuries and sickness are nontaxable. That means the Berroyers get to keep all $862,000!

So, what do you think? An easy way to earn nearly a million bucks? Or would you rather skip the physical therapy and take advantage of easier strategies, like choosing the right entity for your business, the right plan for your retirement, and the right benefits for your family? We're sorry to confess we can't help you with a loose phone cord. But we can help you with the plan you need to pay the least tax allowed by law. So call us if you want to save tax — but don't want to wheel yourself into a courtroom to do it!

A Little Bit of Tax

It seems like every day brings new questions about the digital currency called bitcoin, which first appeared in 2009. Who is the shadowy "Satoshi Nakamoto" who created the currency's protocol and software? Who stole $450 million worth of bitcoin from the Tokyo-based Mt. Gox exchange? Who was the mystery buyer who used bitcoin to snag a $500,000 house on the Indonesian island of Bali?

Last week, the IRS solved a mystery by ruling on how bitcoin would be taxed, at least here in the United States. And their answer to that question may shoot a hole in bitcoin's hope to become more widely accepted. Notice 2014-21 holds that virtual currencies like bitcoin will be treated as property — not currency — for U.S. tax purposes. That means, among other things, that if you take payment in bitcoin at your business, those payments will be taxable (at the fair market value of the currency at the time you earn it), subject to the same rules as if you had accepted cash. If you earn wages in bitcoin, they'll also be taxable, must be reported on a Form W-2, and will be subject to income and payroll tax withholding as if you had earned those wages in cash.

But those rules come as no surprise. The real headache comes when you use bitcoin to buy or sell something. Let's say you acquire two bitcoins for $500 each. A week later, they're worth $520, and you use them to pay an independent contractor across the country or even in the Philippines. You'll have to report that $40 gain on your taxes. "That's not such a big deal," you might think. "My bitcoin is worth more; I'm ok with paying tax on my gain." But now imagine having to report gains or losses on every bitcoin transaction you make!

If bitcoin is going to succeed as an actual currency, it has to pass three strict tests. (Getting an "A" for effort won't work here.) First, it has to be a medium of exchange, meaning it has to be widely accepted as payment for goods and services. (Everyone takes U.S. dollars, but most people have never used bitcoin — at least, not yet. Although, Virgin Atlantic has announced that you can use bitcoin for their $250,000 flights into space.) Second, it has to be a store of value, meaning users feel safe holding it without worrying that its value will fall. (You can take payment in cash knowing that it will be worth the same amount tomorrow.) And third, it has to serve as a unit of account, meaning it has a standard value and every bitcoin is the same as every other bitcoin. (If you have a wallet full of $20 bills, it doesn't matter which one you use to pay for your morning latte.)

The IRS's ruling that bitcoin is property means bitcoin fails that last test. Let's say you have three bitcoins: one that you acquired when it was trading at $280, one that you acquired at $480, and one that you acquired at $880. It makes a real difference which one you spend! It's no wonder the New York Times headlined one story on the IRS notice: "Taxes Won't Kill Bitcoin, But Tax Reporting Might."

There's a "bit" of good news in the ruling. If you hold bitcoins for investment, you benefit from lower rates on long-term capital gains. But that's going to be scant comfort for most users who really want to see bitcoin succeed as a true currency.

We've got a long time to go before most clients have to worry about bitcoin in anything but the most theoretical sense. But keeping an eye out on the future is what separates us from the vast majority of tax professionals who just settle for recording history. Your job is to go out and make money, in dollars, bitcoin, or whatever else works best for you. Let us worry about helping you keep it!

Fast Track to the Presidency

Last week, we talked about the IRS Criminal Investigation unit's Fiscal 2013 annual report. We told you about four of the 2,812 offenders who drew prison sentences for their efforts: the drag racer who applied for $83 million in fraudulent gas tax refunds, the surgeon who "operated" on his tax bill using foreign trusts and shell companies, the Japanese restaurant owner who hid receipts in boxes marked "seasoned octopus," and the prisoner who filed false tax returns for his fellow inmates and sent the refund checks to his mother. But the IRS report detailed over 100 such stories — so, at the risk of beating a dead horse, we couldn't resist sharing just a few more:

• They say everything is bigger in Texas. Apparently that includes public corruption, which is an IRS priority. Abel Limas was a former police officer and state judge in Brownsville who discovered he could supplement his government salary by turning his office into "a criminal enterprise to enrich himself and others through extortion." In 2008, Limas issued a series of pretrial rulings in a case involving a helicopter crash. Later that year, he joined a law firm working on behalf of victims in that same crash. It turns out the law firm had promised him a cool hundred grand, plus a share of their fees, in exchange for those rulings. Now Limas is spending six years in a federal prison camp.

• Whitney Houston once sang that she believed "the children" are our future. But some people believe the children are just another meal ticket. Take Nehemiah Muzamhindo, for example. Customs officials were searching the Zimbabwe native's house for evidence of passport fraud when they discovered he had scammed one of the world's largest children's charities out of $800,000. You think he remembered to pay tax on that money? Special Agent in Charge Erick Martinez, who picked up the case for the IRS, said that Muzamhindo's crime was worse than the usual fraud because "he diverted money intended for children for his own greedy purposes." Now he'll spend six years in federal prison. Even worse, according to Muzamhindo's lawyer, the case has brought him "a great deal of shame"!

• You've heard that the family that plays together, stays together. But some families take that advice a little too far. Angela Myers operated Angie's Tax Service in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. She used her daughter's preparer identification number to file false returns using names and social security numbers stolen from a nearby nursing home. Apparently, she needed the money to pay for a sweet RV. Now she's spending 11 years, not traveling in the RV, but in a prison in Alabama where she won't even need a driver's license. But wait (as they say in the TV infomercials) . . . there's more! The IRS is also investigating Angie's son for threatening a witness in the case!

• Lots of Americans grow up wanting to be President. The usual path is to spend years working your way up the political ladder, then run for the office. But who has time for all that? Alabama's Tim Turner declared that our current government is an illegitimate sham, then proclaimed himself President of the Republic for the united States of America (RuSA). Next, he started teaching fellow citizens how to pay their taxes with fake bonds. (Apparently, special paper stock, financial terminology, and elaborate borders help make them at least look legit.) Oh, and when one of his followers asked what really happened when that spaceship crashed near Roswell back in 1947, he let the cat out of the bag that every industrialized nation on earth has a treaty with the aliens! Now he'll have 18 years to negotiate his own agreement with the little green men.

We realize people are willing to go a long way to pay less tax. But you don't have to set up your own government! There are hundreds of legitimate ways to work within the system we've already got. You just need a plan. So call us for your plan, before the aliens come and take over for good!

Seasoned Octopus

Most of the Internal Revenue Service's 90,000 employees are financial bureaucrats, working to collect the taxes that finance our government. But the Criminal Investigations unit, or IRS-CI, is an elite division of 3,700 financial crimefighters dedicated to protecting those taxes. Last month, they released their Fiscal 2013 annual report. And business sure is booming! In 2013, IRS special agents initiated 5,314 investigations (up 3.7% from 5,125 in 2012) and recommended 4,364 prosecutions (up 17.9% from 3,710 in 2012). There were 3,865 indictments and 3,311 convictions (the IRS doesn't take someone to criminal court unless they're pretty sure they can win). And 2,812 miscreants won themselves the proverbial "three hots and a cot" for terms averaging 25 months.

Most of IRS-CI's targets are plain old crooks. But some of them are just so awkwardly entertaining, we had to share their stories:

• Every time you pump a gallon of gas, you pay 18.3 cents in tax to build and repair federal roads. But there's a little-known exemption that lets off-road users like drag racers apply for a refund. Evan Knoll, the "King of Drag Racing" and owner of Torco Racing Fuels in Grand Rapids, Michigan, saw that exemption and smelled opportunity. (Maybe it was something in the fumes?) Knoll claimed $83 million in refunds over nine years from 1999-2008 before pleading guilty to nine counts of fraud and drawing a 14-year sentence. Now that's some high-octane cheating!

• Edward Picardi was a surgeon in South Dakota, who spent way too much time performing liposuction on his tax bill. First, he ran his income through a series of entities organized in Ireland, Hungary, Cyprus, the Isle of Man, Jersey, and Guernsey. (Really? Hungary? Were the Cayman Islands just too obvious?) Then he deposited it into various foreign accounts he controlled through a New Zealand trust, in the name of one last corporation established on the delightfully sunny island of Nevis. After several weeks in trial, the judge in Picardi's trial surgically removed five years of freedom from the good doctor's future. Without anesthesia. Ouch.

• Michael Chen owned the Fune Ya Japanese Restaurant in Richmond, California, just north of Berkeley. (Apparently the fried banana dessert was a hit.) Chen kept detailed records of his daily sales in 26 boxes marked "Seasoned Octopus." But he never reported his cash sales to the IRS. Oops. He also paid his employees $548,919 in cash without sending the IRS any payroll tax on their income. Another mistake. Now the long tentacle of the law has got him for 33 months, enjoying his meals in a place where they don't serve octopus at all.

• You might think that if you're already stuck in jail, you can't commit tax fraud. Well, you would be wrong. Michael Joseph III was feeling "underemployed" at the Apalachee Correctional Institution in the Florida panhandle when he hit upon one of those brilliant ideas we all wish we had thought of. Why not while away those idle hours filing false tax returns using other inmates' names and social security numbers? Yeah! And while we're at it, why not have the IRS mail the refunds to momma's house? Unfortunately for our enterprising would-be accountant, prison officials discovered the scheme during a routine mail search. Joseph pled guilty to 41 various offenses and drew another 63 months behind bars. At least now he's doing time in a classy federal joint instead of some loser state can.

We all know taxes have gone up this past year, and we all know nobody enjoys paying. That's the bad news. The good news is you don't have to risk a visit from the tax cops to pay less. You just need a plan. There's no shortage of court-tested, IRS-approved strategies for paying less. So if you're still worried about April 15, and you haven't asked us about our planning service, what are you waiting for?

Finders, Keepers?

Modern-day salvagers can spend years to find centuries-old treasures. Mel Fisher spent 16 years searching for the Spanish galleon Nuestra Señora de Atocha, which sank in a hurricane off Key West in 1622. But sometimes finding buried treasure is far easier. Just ask the still-unidentified California couple, known only as "John" and "Mary," who took their dog for a walk and spotted the edge of an old can on the side of a trail they had walked almost every day for years.

That can was so heavy, they thought it held lead paint. But as they carried it back to the house, struggling with the weight, it burst open to reveal the glint of gold. (Sounds like a real "Beverly Hillbillies" moment, doesn't it!) That rusted-out can turned out to be just the first of eight containing 1,427 mostly mint-condition gold coins, mostly from the nearby San Francisco Mint, made from 1847 to 1894. Their face value comes to $27,980, which isn't bad. But their market value may top $10 million. In fact, one coin alone — an 1866 Liberty $20 piece without the usual "In God We Trust" inscription — may be worth a cool million all by itself!

At one point, it looked like John and Mary might have to give up their find. Back in 1900, a Mint employee named Walter Dimmick stole $30,000 worth of gold. Dimmick did his time for the crime, but the gold was never recovered. If it had been Dimmick's haul that our lucky couple found, they would have had to return it, even after all this time. Fortunately, the Mint says they don't think that's the case, and they won't be investigating. Mint spokesman Adam Stump told the San Francisco Chronicle, "we’ve done quite a bit of research, and we’ve got a crack team of lawyers, and trust me, if this was U.S. government property we’d be going after it.”

Unfortunately, there is one government agency that will be going after it, and you won't be surprised to hear it's our friends at the IRS. The tax code says "gross income means all income from whatever source derived," and that includes "treasure trove" proceeds like the coins. The IRS clarifies that "if you find and keep property that does not belong to you that has been lost or abandoned (treasure-trove), it is taxable to you at its fair market value in the first year it is your undisputed possession." And that, in turn, means John and Mary will have to report the value of the coins on their taxes. They don't even get to use the lower capital gains rates. So let's see . . . 39.6% for Uncle Sam, plus 13.3% for California, leaves . . . well, barely half of that $10 million! The worst part is, they owe the tax now even if they keep the coins instead of selling them.

What if John and Mary donated the coins to charity? Would that let them off the hook? Nope! The problem is, you can only deduct charitable gifts up to 50% of your income. That means our lucky couple could deduct just half the value of their fortune, and still pay tax on the rest — even if they give it all away. (The limit is even lower for gifts to private foundations — just 30%.)

Here at our firm, we search for hidden treasures, too. But instead of doing it on the high seas, or in California mountains, we do it in the tax code. Our quest is to unearth the deductions, credits, loopholes, and strategies that can save you thousands. And you don't even have to take your dog for a walk to do it. You just have to pick up the phone and call us. So what are you waiting for?

I'd Like to Thank the Academy

Sunday night, millions of movie fans across the globe tuned in as the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences presented the 86th Academy Awards. Viewers were amazed that Adruitha Lee and Robin Mathews had spun a $250 budget into a Best Makeup award for Dallas Buyers Club. They held their breath and wondered how much Kim Novak had to drink before she stumbled her way through the animation awards. And they thrilled as first-timer Lupitsa Nyong'o won Best Supporting Actress for 12 Years a Slave. But there's one award we didn't see — and it's a key to getting any movie made. We're talking, of course, about the coveted award for Best Original Tax Planning.

When we think of movies, we immediately think of Hollywood. But most movies aren't actually made in Hollywood, or even California, anymore. 37 states offer special tax incentives to lure film development and jobs. This year, all nine Best Picture nominees benefited from various tax incentives in their filming locations. So let's take a look at some of the nominees:

• Here's a surprise. Nebraska, the deadpan tale of a curmudgeonly father making his way to Nebraska to claim a million-dollar sweepstakes (and settling a score or two along the way), was actually filmed in Nebraska! Sadly, while the $13 million production was eligible for funds from participating local economic development offices, the Cornhusker State itself didn't offer a single bushel of incentives.

• The Wolf of Wall Street may have gotten shut out on Sunday. But director Martin Scorsese's chronicle of debauchery takes the statuette for the biggest tax credit. New York offers a 30% tax credit on total expenditures, which means the Empire State picked up $30 million of the production's $100 million budget.

• Dallas Buyers Club and 12 Years a Slave were both filmed in Louisiana. The Bayou State offers the most generous credits of any state — 30% of expenditures plus 5% of payroll. Too bad the combined budget for both films totaled just $25.5 million!

• Philomena and Gravity were the only two Best Picture nominees filmed outside the United States — specifically, in England and in near-earth orbit. Filming in orbit lets producers escape taxes (and gravity) completely. As for England, Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs chips in a 25% credit on the first $38 million in costs and 20% on anything above that. (Okay, Gravity wasn't really filmed in orbit — it was filmed in England, too.)

The irony here, according to Manhattan Institute for Policy Research, is that "movie production incentives routinely fail to deliver on the economic promises made by their proponents . . . [D]ata from several states find movie production incentives generate less than 30 cents for every lost dollar in tax revenue."

Fortunately for you, though, you don't have to rent a tuxedo, borrow a gown, or prepare an acceptance speech to pay less tax. You just need a plan. We give you the strategies and concepts you need to impress the judges at the IRS. And we do it without voiceovers, CGI, or other special effects. So hit "reply" to this email and let us know you're ready to get started. And remember, we're here for your whole cast and crew!

Now We Know Why She's Dancing

The Swedish pop band ABBA rocketed to global superstardom in the 1970s, with hits like Waterloo, Fernando, and, of course, Dancing Queen. Named for members Agnetha Fältskog, Björn Ulvaeus, Benny Anderson, and Anni-frid Lyngstad, ABBA is the one of the best-selling music groups of all time. They haven't performed together since 1982. But that didn't stop Ulvaeus and Anderson from turning their songs into a hit musical, Mamma Mia!, in 1999. Just one year later, they turned down an offer to reunite for 100 concerts and a billion dollars.

Lots of us are still embarrassed by the fashion choices we made in the 1970s. ABBA, whose members gained attention for glittering hotpants, sequined jumpsuits, and platform heels, is no exception. According to ABBA: The Official Photo Book, coming next month to celebrate 40 years since they won the 1974 Eurovision Song Contest, singer and guitarist Björn Ulvaeus confesses "in my honest opinion we looked like nuts in those years. Nobody could have been as badly dressed on stage as we were."

But now, we've learned there was more than just bad taste at work. It turns out the band was working to avoid the Swedish National Tax Board! As The Guardian reported last week, "the band's style was influenced in part by laws that allowed the cost of outfits to be deducted against tax — so long as the costumes were so outrageous they could not possibly be worn on the street."

Sweden's tax man has always taken a bigger bite of his citizens' earnings than Uncle Sam. The Swedes' top tax rate rose to 85% in 1980, at a time when Ronald Reagan was campaigning to take ours from 70% down to 50%. For 2014, their top marginal tax rate reaches 57% on income over about $88,180, versus a 39.6% top rate here. The Swedes also take 31.42% for payroll tax, versus 15.3% here. Apparently, taxes grow well in the cold Swedish climate.

So it might surprise you to learn that our tax code offers a version of the same deduction. Specifically, IRS Publication 17 says you can deduct the cost and upkeep of work clothes so long as you have to wear them as a condition of your employment and they're "not suitable for ordinary street wear." It's not enough that you wear distinctive clothing — it has to be required by your employer (or essential for your business if you're self-employed). And it's not enough that you simply don't wear your work clothes away from work — it "must not be suitable for taking the place of your regular clothing." (We think Lady Gaga's famous meat dress will qualify just fine.)

Ulvaeus himself is no stranger to tax controversy. In 2007, the Tax Board accused him of laundering royalty income through foreign accounts to avoid 90 million kroner ($12.8 million) in taxes from 1997-2005. Ulvaeus paid the tax as a precautionary measure, then appealed to his county administrative court, which eventually ruled in his favor.

We understand you want to pay less tax yourself. But we doubt you're willing to rock a spandex sequined jumpsuit to do it — at least, not in public. (What you wear at home is your own business!) Fortunately, there are hundreds of easier ways to pay less. You just need to start with a plan. That's where we take the stage. Just hit "reply" to this email and let us know you're ready to get started!

And the Gold Goes To . . . !

If you're like most of us, you've spent at least some time over the past couple of weeks watching the games of the 22nd Winter Olympiad. Who cares if the host city Sochi, a Black Sea beach resort, is warmer than Miami, Florida? 2,800 athletes from 88 countries have traveled to compete in 98 events, and the world is a better place for the fellowship.

Olympic games are famous for sports we don't usually see anywhere else. In the summer games, we get rhythmic gymnastics (dancing with a ribbon), dressage (dancing with a horse), and trampoline (dancing on a trampoline). In the winter games, it's ice dancing (to give you your dancing fix), biathlon mixed relay (dancing on cross-country skis with guns), and curling. (You don't have to appreciate dancing to enjoy curling, but it does help to be Canadian.)

So, in that same vein, what if nations competed for taxes we don't usually see? These would be our picks for medalists in the coveted "weird tax rule" event:

• Bronze: Tethered Hot Air Balloons in Kansas. Kansas levies a sales tax on "any place providing amusement, entertainment, or recreation services." That sounds straightforward enough. But the federal Anti-Head Tax Act prohibits state and local governments from taxing airlines or airport users. How does Kansas apply that law to hot-air balloon rides? Well, if the balloon stays tethered to the ground and doesn't actually go anywhere, it's a taxable amusement. But if it actually flies somewhere, you're off the hook for the tax!

• Silver: Cereal Toys in Canada. Cereal companies know that kids really just want the cheap throwaway toy at the bottom of the box. (Cracker Jack knew that a century ago!) But in Canada, cereal makers have even more reason to add toys to their sugary goodness. That's because they can avoid the usual tax on cereal by throwing a toy in the box — so long as the toy doesn't qualify as "beer, liquor, or wine." (Now that might be a way to sell cereal to grownups!)

• Gold: Cow Flatulence in Europe. When you think of global pollution, you probably blame coal-fired electric plants or smoggy freeways. But the United Nations Food and Agriculture organization estimates that methane from slow-digesting cows accounts for up to 18% of Europe's production of greenhouse gases. (We understand not everyone is a fan of the United Nations, but just trust them on this one — and don't ask for details.) Several European Union nations have enacted taxes on their cows to help keep those gases in check. They range from $18 per cow in Ireland all the way up to $110 per cow in Denmark!

The world is full of unique and sometimes silly taxes. But there's nothing silly about paying more tax than you have to. And that is one competition where you do not want to settle for the bronze! Fortunately, you don't have to train for years to bring home a medal. You just need a plan. So call us now for some world-class savings. And remember, we're here for your fellow teammates, too!

There's an App for That

Managing the Internal Revenue Service is no easy job. It takes a lot of automation to process over two hundred million tax returns per year. And, while the Service still stores master tax records on computers commissioned during the Johnson administration (Lyndon, at least, not Andrew!), the IRS still spends hundreds of millions per year to take advantage of the latest information technology.

The geeks who manage the IRS's computers do a great job with the limited resources Congress gives them. But they want to be like the cool kids in Silicon Valley, too. So they've created an app, called IRS2GO, that you can download to your iPhone or Android device. You can use the IRS app to track your refund, find free tax return preparers, access your tax records, and even connect with the IRS on Twitter, YouTube, Tumblr, and Facebook.

Those are all great functions, of course. But we got to thinking . . . what sort of things would you really want an IRS app to do for you? We thought maybe these would be even more popular:

• The Refund Redirector: Knowing when your refund will show up is great. But the real fun is knowing where you're going to spend it. The Refund Redirector would aggregate prices from hundreds of online shopping sites to give you the best possible deal, then send your refund directly to the store. Planning to upgrade your family room to the latest 50-inch television? Let the Refund Redirector tell you where to buy it!

• Flappy Tax: Flappy Bird is the latest handheld gaming sensation, with 50 million downloads. The only problem is, it's too hard to get that stupid bird through that stupid opening between those stupid pipes! Our version would let you thread a helpless taxpayer through a maze of tiny loopholes. But if you think that flappy bird has it tough, wait 'till you see our red tape!

• Red Light/Green Light: This updated version of the classic children's party game would use an easy-to-understand traffic light to tell you if your deductions will fly with the IRS. Want to write off the mileage to and from the orthodontist for tightening your kid's braces? Green light! Thinking about writing off a bottle of Dom Perignon to celebrate your latest business deal? Yellow light for the "lavish and extraordinary" expense. Hoping the IRS "won't notice" that Swiss bank account you opened last year? Stop!

• YelpTax: Apps like TripAdvisor, Urbanspoon, and Yelp let you post restaurant reviews before you even get the bill. Our version would let you review auditors and other IRS staff. How much more pleasant do you think an audit would be if the examiner knew you could rate him from one to five stars on punctuality, friendliness, service, and atmosphere? (If only they could say "we know you have a choice in auditors today . . . .")

We love how technology automates so many tasks to make our days easier and more productive. We love how the Internet puts a wealth of knowledge at our fingertips. But there's still no substitute for good, old-fashioned expertise and experience. And you can't get that from an app. That's where we come in. We can give you the plan you need to pay less tax. We can help you implement that plan without having to tap it all out on a tiny screen. So call us when you're ready for the most up-to-date tax-saving strategies and concepts. And remember, winning the tax game is more fun than anything you can do on your phone!

Adding Insult to Super Bowl Injury

On Sunday, quarterback Peyton Manning led his uncharacteristically hapless Denver Broncos to the second-most-lopsided Super Bowl loss ever. Manning & Company just couldn't catch a break, from the safety they gave up on the game's first play, to Manning's two interceptions, to Percy Harvin's second-half kickoff return, to . . . you get the picture. So, Manning didn't walk away with that hoped-for second Super Bowl ring. But at least he walks away with the $46,000 bonus the NFL awards to losing players.

Or does he? Well, here's the deal. It turns on two things:

1. New Jersey, like most states, tackles visiting athletes with a "jock tax." The state calculates Manning's taxable income by dividing the number of days he practices and plays in the state by the number of "duty days" he works for the whole year. Then they apply the regular tax rates, which range up to 8.97% on income over $500,000.

2. Next month, Manning heads to the doctor to follow up on a series of surgeries to his neck and spine. If everything still looks good, he plans to return for the 2014 season. If not, he'll ride off into the sunset, go to work as a broadcaster, and wait for his induction into the Hall of Fame.

Now, here's where the play gets complicated. If Manning's neck forces him to retire, he'll finish 2014 with $111,000 in playoff bonuses. He'll owe New Jersey tax for the seven days he worked in the state, out of 33 days he played for the year. He'll hand off $982 in tax, and probably hope he can forget the day ever happened.

BUT — if Manning's neck checks out okay, and he goes on to play next season, he'll earn another $15 million in 2014 salary. Then he'll owe New Jersey tax for a smaller fraction of the season — seven days out of 200, rather than seven days out of 33. But he'll apply that fraction to a whopping $15,111,000 of income. That means he'll turn over $46,844 in tax — $844 more than he actually made for playing Sunday's game!

And this is all before we get to Uncle Sam, who picks off 39.6% for income tax and 3.8% for Medicare. Manning's total tax bill on his $46,000 Super Bowl bonus could hit $66,808, meaning it actually cost him 20 G's to play! Where's the fun in that?

At least Manning still leads the NFL in endorsements. He makes $12 million per year from sponsors including Reebok, Buick, Wheaties, DirecTV, and Papa John's pizza. He should be thankful New Jersey doesn't tax him on a share of that endorsement income. Some U.S. golfers, among other athletes, have had to weigh whether or not to play tournaments in European countries that tax visiting athletes on a share of their endorsement income as well as contest winnings.

So, here's the final score. When you try something new, like earning income from a new venture or in a new place, you can't just add up the numbers at the end of the year and hope for the best. You need a plan to penetrate the tax man's defense — one that anticipates blindside rushers like New Jersey's jock tax. So call us when you're ready for your plan. And remember, we're here for your teammates, too!

Le Grand Tax Savings

When you think of France, you probably think of food. The French are known throughout the world for their truffles, foie gras, and fine champagne. French chefs have spread the gospel of rich food and fine wine across the globe. Most of us think of "French" dining as the highest form of cuisine.

But it seems the French have a dirty little culinary secret they might not like the rest of the world to know. Would you believe they love McDonald's almost as much as we do? That's right, there are 1,258 golden arches across France, and France is actually McDonald's most profitable market outside the states. McDonald's outlets in France serve slightly more exotic fare than their American cousins — the "Premio au Parmesan" starts with the usual all-beef patty, then adds a ciabatta bun, parmigiano reggiano cheese, and creamy parmesan sauce. And French McDonald's serve beer, too. But — French gourmands can still sneak in anytime for "le Grand Big Mac."

Now, it seems, those French McDonald's are being accused of whipping up a different kind of dish — specifically, cooking "the books." Quelle horreure — can it really be true?

Here's the issue. Different countries set different tax rates for the corporations that operate within their borders. Naturally, smart accountants working for multinational corporations want to minimize their taxes by shifting whatever profits they can from high-tax jurisdictions like the United States (where they pay up to 35%) to lower-taxed jurisdictions. Tech firms like Apple and Google have made headlines for using strategies like the "Dutch Sandwich" (which shifts income to tax-free Netherlands Antilles corporations) and "Double Irish" (which shifts profits to Irish subsidiaries, where they're taxed at a low 12.5% rate). Some governments are working to close loopholes and make it harder to channel profits through lower-tax locations. But unless they change the rules, it's all perfectly legal.

Last week, the French magazine L'Express reported that McDonald's has funneled 2.2 billion euros of French earnings (roughly $3 billion) through subsidiaries outside France, avoiding several hundred million euros in corporate and value-added tax. For example, French franchisees pay their licensing fees for use of the brand and related intellectual property to a Luxembourg company called McD Europe Franchising SARL. The Luxembourg company then pays an annual fee on to the parent company here in the U.S. The franchisees then deduct those royalties from their French income, which is taxed as high as 33.33%. But for 2012, the Luxembourg entity paid just $3.2 million in tax on $172 million in profit.

For their part, McDonald's responds that "McDonald's pays all of its taxes in France on the totality of its revenue, in line with current legislation." They add that they've paid a billion euros in company taxes since 2009 and they've cooperated fully with French tax authorities. French officials have launched similar investigations against Google, Amazon, Microsoft, and other corporations without finding fault.

Here's the real lesson. McDonald's didn't just wait until the end of the year to add up their income and hope to find a few deductions to pay less tax. They sat down, looked at the law, and planned a proactive menu of strategies to pay as little as possible. That sort of planning is the key to paying less tax. And you don't have to be a multinational corporation to do it. If you have your own business — even just a simple hamburger stand — call us for the plan you need to pay less. We're sure you'll enjoy some healthy and nutritious savings!

Excuses, Excuses

So-called "tax protestors" have dreamed up dozens of excuses for not paying the taxes the rest of us grumble about. They argue that the Sixteenth Amendment, which authorizes the government to levy an income tax without apportionment among the states, was never "properly ratified." They accuse the "alleged" Internal Revenue Service of being a massive premeditated conspiracy to defraud U.S. citizens. Some groups assert that the gold tassels around the American flags that stand in many federal courts are a "mutilation," rendering them "courts of admiralty" with no proper jurisdiction. Still others contend that taxpayers aren't required to file a federal tax return because the instructions associated with Form 1040 don't display an OMB control number as required by the Paperwork Reduction Act. (Can you imagine risking jail time on an argument like that?)

Well, the IRS has heard it all. They've published a web page identifying 40 Frivolous Positions for Taxpayers to Avoid. They've warned taxpayers about a $5,000 penalty for using any of these arguments in a return. They've even pointed out that courts sometimes don't even bother refuting the frivolous claims anymore. But now Charles Adams, whom the First Circuit Court of Appeals described as "an unabashed opponent of the tax laws," has come up with a new argument to avoid facing the music. Think he'll fare any better?

Adams and his various co-conspirators are affiliated with a protest group called Save-a-Patriot. They ran a payroll service that helped client companies pay their employees "under the table" so they could hide their income from the IRS. On March 19, 2004, a federal magistrate issued a warrant to search Adams's home in Wrentham, Massachusetts. Four days later, armed agents executed that warrant and seized evidence. Prosecutors eventually used that evidence to convict Adams of tax evasion. District Court Judge Dennis Saylor IV sentenced Adams to four years in the pokey, and Adams appealed to the First Circuit.

Sounds straightforward enough, right? Well, here's the problem. Internal Revenue Code Section 7608(a)(1), which gives revenue enforcement officers their power, explicitly authorizes agents enforcing laws pertaining to alcohol, tobacco, and firearms to carry guns. Section 7608(b), which deals with all other tax laws, does not. The agents who searched Adams's home were packing heat. Therefore — at least according to Adams — the search was unlawful and the evidence they found should be suppressed. (It's like that scene in every episode of Law and Order when the defense attorney asks the judge to throw out the evidence against his client. Usually the judge says no, but sometimes he makes the cops go out and re-prove their case all over again.)

Not buying it? Neither did the First Circuit. The three-judge panel said "whatever intrusion may have occurred was not of constitutional dimension." They dismissed Adams's arguments as "futile" and "unavailing," and concluded, "without serious question, that the district court did not blunder in refusing to grant the defendant's motion to suppress." Even Adams's own lawyer acknowledged that his "convoluted ideas and beliefs seem far-fetched."

It's easy to laugh at protesters like Charles Adams. Their theories are clever and entertaining. But their refusal to pay their share of the tax bill leaves the rest of us holding the bag. That's why it's so important for you to have a plan to pay the least amount of tax allowed by law. Our strategies are all court-tested and IRS-approved. So call us when you're ready for your plan. And remember, we're here for your family, friends, and colleagues too!

The Endangered Species List

On September 1, 1914, "Martha," the last remaining passenger pigeon (ectopistes migratorius), died at the Cincinnati Zoo. On September 7, 1936, "Benjamin," the last Tasmanian tiger (thylacinus cynocephalus), died at Australia's Hobart Zoo. And on June 24, 2012, "Lonesome George," the last living Pinta Island tortoise (chelonoidis nigra abingdoni), died in Ecuador's Galapagos National Park.

When you think of endangered species, you naturally think of plants and animals. But the IRS has its own endangered species list (called "listed transactions"), and that means sometimes even tax strategies go extinct. So, for example, in October, 2006, the last grandfathered private annuity trust was formed. On April 10, 2007, most so-called "Section 419(e)" plans were shot down. Now, could the venerable Swiss bank account (bankum secretus strongius) be next?

Switzerland's banking laws have long made it a crime to reveal an account holder's name. At the same time, Swiss authorities have historically refused to cooperate with foreign countries where failure to report taxable income is concerned. Together, these policies made Switzerland the banker of choice for Colombian druglords, Sub-Saharan kleptocrats, Russian oligarchs, and even the so-called "Wolf of Wall Street," Jordan Belfort.

But recently those protections have melted away like so much Swiss chocolate sitting in the bright alpine sun. It started back in 2008 when Bradley Birkenfeld, a mid-level banker, blew the whistle on helping American taxpayers "forget" to report millions of dollars of interest income. Birkenfeld's bombshell landed him a 40-month prison sentence and a $104 million reward from the IRS. A year later, the Department of Justice fined the biggest Swiss bank $790 million and cut a deal with the Swiss government, giving them power to force their banks to disgorge information on American depositors almost on demand. In 2012, an even stronger settlement required 300 Swiss banks to identify their American account holders or face their own penalties. Most recently, "Beanie Babies" creator Ty Warner pled guilty to evading $5 million in tax and agreed to a $53 million fine — and still faces four years in jail.

And now? Well, some observers say that Swiss banks are actually doing the IRS's job for them. Better to rat out clients than pay IRS fines! Banks are pressuring Americans to report their accounts, and even freezing accounts unless clients can prove they're playing by the new rules. U.S. attorneys are generally advising clients with secret accounts to 'fess up now before the IRS finds them and penalizes them 50% of their balances. At this point, attorneys say, discovery is a matter of "when," not "if." That message appears to be hitting home. Since 2009, over 38,000 Americans have come forth and paid over $5 billion in taxes, penalties, and interest. The once-celebrated Swiss bank account appears headed the way of the dodo, as far as U.S. tax cheats are concerned.

Look, we understand that everybody wants to pay less tax. But there's a right way to do it and there's a wrong way to do it. The right way is to take advantage of hundreds of legitimate deductions, credits, and strategies contained in the tax code and treasury regulations. And it all starts with a plan. We can give you that plan, and it doesn't involve a trip to Zurich or Geneva to visit your money. So call us now to see how much you might be overpaying. And if you really like cuckoo clocks, fine watches, and yodeling, you can take a legitimate trip with the savings!

Test Your Tax Knowledge

They say that knowledge is power, and that's especially true with taxes. So here's a quick quiz to test your tax knowledge in 2014. But look out — the questions (and the answers) might not be what you expect!:

We'll start with an easy one. Last year's "fiscal cliff" legislation raised the top marginal tax rate to 39.6%. What's the top effective rate?

A. 39.6%
B. 43.4% (39.6% plus 3.8% Medicare tax)
C. >43.4% (depending on "PEP" and "Pease" phaseouts)

Give up? It's a trick question — all three answers can be correct, depending on your own circumstances!

Alright, let's shift gears a bit. The tabloids love running stories about celebrities who run into tax trouble. After all, if they make so much money, shouldn't they be able to afford their taxes? So here's our next question — which of the following sets of celebrities ran into tax trouble in 2013?

A. Boxer Manny Pacquiao, rapper MC Hammer, and racecar driver Juan Pablo Montoya
B. Actor Stephen Baldwin, singer Lauryn Hill, and "Beanie Babies" creator Ty Warner
C. Actor Al Pacino, rapper Fat Joe, and "Real Housewife of New Jersey" Teresa Giudice

Well, which did you pick? The answer is, another trick question — every single one ran into tax problems last year!

Okay, final question. We know that tax laws can be impenetrably dense and hard to understand. So maybe "context" will give you a hint. Which of these passages is taken from the 2013 fiscal cliff act, and which is taken from California's workers' comp regulations?

A. "Notwithstanding any other provision of law, any refund (or advance payment with respect to a refundable credit) made to any individual under this title shall not be taken into account as income, and shall not be taken into account as resources for a period of 12 months from receipt, for purposes of determining the eligibility of such individual (or any other individual) for benefits or assistance (or the amount or extent of benefits or assistance) under any Federal program or under any State or local program financed in whole or in part with Federal funds."

B. "In the case of covered OPD services furnished on or after April 1, 2013, in a hospital described in clause (ii), if— (I) the payment rate that would otherwise apply under this subsection for stereotactic radiosurgery, complete course of treatment of cranial lesion(s) consisting of 1 session that is multisource Cobalt 60 based (identified as of January 1, 2013, by HCPCS code 77371 (and any succeeding code) and reimbursed as of such date under APC 0127 (and any succeeding classification group)); exceeds (II) the payment rate that would otherwise apply under this subsection for linear accelerator based stereotactic radiosurgery, complete course of therapy in one session (identified as of January 1, 2013, by HCPCS code G0173 (and any succeeding code) and reimbursed as of such date under APC 0067 (and any succeeding classification group)), the payment rate for the service described in subclause (I) shall be reduced to an amount equal to the payment rate for the service described in subclause (II)."

Drumroll, please . . . the answer is, it's another trick question — both examples of sterling prose appeared in the fiscal cliff law! (Quit complaining about the trick questions — it's a tax quiz, after all!)

Don't be upset if you didn't get all three questions right. (Nobody else did, either!) Fortunately, there isn't any real money at stake. But that won't be true come April 15. So call us now for the plan you need to come up with the right answers in 2014!

Resolutions We'd Like to See

2014 is here, and it's time for New Years' resolutions. Americans across the country are pledging to lose weight, quit smoking, exercise, and find new jobs. Some of them will succeed, others will lose faith before the first snowmelt. (Want to make a fortune? Open a gym that turns into a sports bar on February 1!) So we thought we would take this opportunity to suggest some resolutions to the folks who determine how much tax we pay.

• Congress: Put the Tax Code on a diet. According to one count, our tax code runs nearly 4 million words. That's four times the words in all the Harry Potter books put together, with none of the magic and wizardry. (You may think we work a version of the "obliteration charm" when we save you thousands in tax, but we assure you there's nothing supernatural involved.) We say it's high time to put the Tax Code on a diet — and if that doesn't work, try bypass surgery. We can raise just as much money for the government without dragging down the economy the way the tax code does.

The problem, of course, is that there's no agreement in Washington to accomplish anything so ambitious. Our current Congress is widely considered to be the least productive in history, at least if you consider "bills passed" to be the right measure of productivity. House Speaker John Boehner has said that Congress should be measured by how many bills they repeal — if he's serious, maybe he can start with nightmares like the Alternative Minimum Tax, the Earned Income Tax Credit, and the passive activity loss rules.

Back in 1986, Ronald Reagan cited the following language from the tax code (defining private foundations, if you're curious), to help make his case for comprehensive tax reform: "For purposes of paragraph (3), an organization described in paragraph (2) shall be deemed to include an organization described in section 501(c)(4), (5), or (6) which would be described in paragraph (2) if it were an organization described in section 501(c)(3)." Congress has passed a dozen "tax simplification" laws since then, and the language Reagan cited still remains. (Congress must have spent their time working on the really confusing stuff!)

• IRS: Focus on customer service. Fighting IRS red tape makes a trip to the DMV look like a stay at a five-star hotel. The average hold time to speak to someone at the agency rose to 17 minutes in 2012, but the percentage of callers who actually get help fell to 68%. Mail is even slower — nearly half their correspondence takes more than 6½ weeks to answer. No private-sector business would accept those kinds of results.

The problem here is that the IRS simply has an impossible job. They don't make the tax laws, but get blamed for them just the same. They don't get the budget they need to do their job, but get blamed for falling down on it just the same. (For Fiscal 2011, the IRS collected $2.52 trillion in tax with a budget of just $11.8 billion, which makes a pretty phenomenal return on investment of 214:1.) Few members of Congress want to be known for giving the IRS more money. But funding for basic technology and customer service shouldn't be nearly as hard a case to make as funding for more aggressive enforcement.

As for us, we're resolving to bring you even better, more proactive tax advice. That process starts with a comprehensive plan to take advantage of every deduction, credit, and strategy you legally deserve. If you don't already have one, maybe you should make getting one your resolution for 2014!

The Naughty List

Christmas is almost here, and that means millions of parents across America are telling their kids to behave themselves or risk winding up on the "Naughty List." (Admit it — if you've got kids, and you celebrate Christmas, you've done it yourself.) But while kids may be on their best behavior, grownups sometimes fail to make the connection between their own behavior and what Santa leaves under the tree. This is especially true when it comes to taxes! Misbehave there, and you risk a lot more than a lump of coal. So here are four cautionary tales to consider as the holiday approaches.

• Joel Grasman worked as an electrician for the Metropolitan Transit Authority in Long Island. He and his wife owed the IRS $10,000 in tax for failing to report a loan from her pension. So, late one night, Grasman snuck into the yard where he works to steal some welding machines to pay off that debt. He loaded the machines onto his truck just fine, but forgot to lower the long boom on the truck before driving off to store the machines at his brother's garage. Uh oh. “I wanted to get out of there before I attracted any attention and I forgot to put the boom down,” he told the New York Post. “I started driving and then I started to see sparks of light in the sky.” Turns out he had taken down a bunch of power lines, causing an estimated $2-3 million in damages, and leaving 6,100 people without power for their Christmas lights and blinking yard Santas.

• Yetunde Oseni was a 37-year-old secretary working for the IRS in Maryland. Like many of us, Oseni loved shopping online, especially on Amazon.com. From 2009-2013, she stuffed her stockings with $8,515 worth of treats, including a chocolate fondue fountain, Bollywood movies, Pampers, Harlequin romance novels, Omaha Steaks, Apple Bottoms skinny jeans, mango body wash, and even a Ginsu knife set. She might still be enjoying her presents now if she had used her own credit card to pay for them. But the IRS gave her a CitiBank MasterCard to pay for office supplies, and it must have been just too tempting. Now she's looking at ten years in a cheerless gray room with no space for any of those goodies. Treasury scrooges say she may have even used her IRS computer to fake the receipts she submitted to cover up her purchases!

• Walter Trizila is a more loyal employee than Joel Grasman or Yetunde Oseni — but can he make the "Nice List"? Last November, IRS officers showed up to seize a dump truck from his employer. Trizila climbed into a front-end loader, scooped up a load of dirt, drove it towards the officers, and dumped the dirt at their feet. After pleading guilty to a misdemeanor charge of assault, he accepted three years probation — and promised to attend anger management class.

• Robert Fernandes got a great deal on a foreclosed house in Forks Township, Pennsylvania. But his wife homeschools their three kids, so he's not a fan of the school district tax. Now, you or I might just concede the value in having good public schools, even if we don't have kids using them. But not Fernandes! No, rather than just grumble privately and write the check, he marched to his local tax collectors with a stack of 7,144 dollar bills. He even brought a friend with a camera to document his stunt on YouTube. Fernandes may not have actually broken the law here, but he's still probably going to find himself on the naughty list. (He may have realized it, too, since he brought doughnuts for the county clerk's office!)

Here's the saddest part about all these stories. You don't have to risk finding a lump of coal in your stocking to pay less tax. You just need a plan. And yes, Virginia, there is still time to treat yourself to savings before 2013 runs out. So call us before Santa loads up his sleigh to stuff your stockings with savings to last a year.

Thoughts on Taxes for 2014

2013 has been a big year for taxes. The "fiscal cliff" deal boosted the top federal income tax rate to 39.6%; "Obamacare" added new taxes on top earners; and dozens of state and local governments raised their taxes, too. Congress will finish 2013 even more divided than it began, which will probably protect us from new taxes next year. But here are some quotes to ease the sting of this year's higher bills:

"[A tax loophole is] something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform."
Sen. Russell B. Long (D-LA)

"The Eiffel Tower is the Empire State Building after taxes."
Anonymous

"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement.' Not so. No one was fooled."
Dan Quayle

"When we played, World Series checks meant something. Now all they do is screw up your taxes."
Hall of Fame pitcher Don Drysdale

"When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin."
Mae West

"The question is: What can we, as citizens, do to reform our tax system? As you know, under our three-branch system of government, the tax laws are created by: Satan. But he works through the Congress, so that’s where we must focus our efforts."
Dave Barry

"Late one night, just blocks from the Capitol, a mugger jumped into the path of a well-dressed fellow and stuck a gun in his ribs. 'Give me your money,' the thief demanded. 'Are you kidding?' the man said. 'I’m a U.S. congressman.' 'In that case,' the mugger growled, cocking his weapon, 'give me my money.'"
Playboy Magazine

"A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul."
George Bernard Shaw

On a more serious note, we wish you all the best this holiday season, and we look forward to serving all your tax-planning needs in 2014!

"Ardente!" is Portuguese for "Hot!"

Tax collectors generally don't choose their line of work for the pay. Glassdoor.com, a gossipy website covering salaries and careers, reports the average Revenue Agent earns $73,967. Careerbliss.com tells us the average criminal investigator earns $99,000 — which makes sense considering there's at least a chance they get shot at while working. That's not bad coin . . . but it's hardly enough to party with the rich and famous.

But what's true here in the United States may not be true in the rest of the world. Our neighbors to the south in Brazil have been transfixed lately by a sordid scandal of glitz and bling featuring — you guessed it — a gang of tax collectors, accused of helping construction companies evade over $200 million in taxes.

Our story starts, as so many tawdry stories do, with a woman scorned. Luis Alexandre Cardoso de Magalhaes met his former girlfriend, Vanessa Alcantara, at a sleazy nightclub. (She says they met when she tried to sell him a cellphone plan.) Magalhaes worked as a tax inspector for the city of Sao Paolo, earning $82,000 to oversee the city's "Imposto sobre Servicos," or service tax. He was also, it turns out, working with three other officials to help developers evade the tax. The builders delivered bags of cash with up to $30,000 every week to his office. Magalhaes would spirit the cash out of the building, and he and Alcantara would count it and divvy it up together in her living room.

And what did our young lovers do with their ill-gotten gains? Secure their retirement with a portfolio of carefully diversified mutual funds and prudently-laddered municipal bonds? (That wouldn't make much of a story, would it?) No — they blew the loot on $500 boxes of Cuban cigars, $2,260 bottles of wine, a Porsche Cayenne, and private plane rides to resorts on Angra dos Reis, an island off the coast. The couple dropped $50,000 to decorate Alcantara's apartment and splurged on $2,200 hotel suites. Magalhaes also showered up to $4,500 a night on a cavalcade of young women who valued their cash flow more than their virtue.

The party came to an end, as all parties must, when Magalhaes and Alcantara separated after giving birth to a son, and Alcantara became enraged at what she saw as a meager monthly child support offer. She dimed him out to city prosecutors, and the story went straight to the tabloids. The case has even produced two brand-new celebrities — Magalhaes's new girlfriend, Nagila Coelho, a personal trainer who plans to start her own line of bikinis, and Alcantara herself, who plans to run for office. Her proposed slogan? "Being a thief is easy; I'll be honest among the thieves."

We understand that you want to pay less tax, too. But we know you're not willing to risk scandal to do it. So we give you a plan to pay less, legally. Everything we do is court-tested and IRS-approved. The best part is, there's still time to act before 2013 draws to a close. So call us now for the plan you need!

Coach's Challenge

December is here, and for millions of college football fans, that means following their favorite coach to a New Year's bowl game. In Tuscaloosa, Alabama's Nick Saban is reeling from the Crimson Tide's last-second loss to archrival Auburn in this year's "Iron Bowl." In Columbus, Ohio State's Urban Meyer is celebrating 24 straight victories after his Buckeyes beat Michigan by just one point in "The Game." And further west, Washington's Steve Sarkisian is celebrating his Huskies win over the Washington State Cougars in the 106th "Apple Cup."

As always, these coaches and dozens more will be paying attention to the latest Bowl Championship Series standings. But this year, they'll also be paying attention to the IRS. That's because a new strategy might help them block taxes when they switch jobs.

College football coaches can make a lot of money. Alabama's Saban will make at least $5.65 million this year, and 51 coaches make more than the average pro player ($1.9 million). In 27 states, the highest-paid public employee is a football coach. Naturally, that means they pay a lot of tax. So this is more than just an academic discussion — there's a lot of money at stake.

Let's take a closer look here. Butch Jones led the University of Cincinnati Bearcats to a 23-14 record before the University of Tennessee hired him away to coach the Volunteers. As part of Jones' new deal, Tennessee paid $1.4 million to buy out his contract with Cincinnati. The Bearcats, in turned, poached Tommy Tuberville away from Texas Tech — and as part of that deal, paid $943,000 to buy out Tuberville's old contract with the Red Raiders. (Why not? They can take it from the $1.4 million they're getting from Tennessee, and still have enough left over to pay an assistant or two!)

Now, traditionally, those payments Tennessee and Cincinnati made to buy out their new coaches' obligations under their old contracts have been considered additional income to the coaches, and thus taxable to them. "What's the big deal?" you might ask. "So Tuberville recognizes $943,000 in extra income. Can't he just deduct that same amount as an employee business expense and zero out the income?" Well, yes . . . but. First, employee business expenses are a miscellaneous itemized deduction, subject to a 2% floor. (That means Tuberville gets no deduction for the amount equal to the first 2% of his adjusted gross income.) That alone would make over $60,000 of Tuberville's payment nondeductible. Second, and even worse, employee business expenses are a preference item for the dreaded Alternative Minimum Tax, which could wipe out the deduction entirely!

Back in 2007, two law school professors argued that the buyout should be treated as a nontaxable business obligation. They reached that conclusion on two grounds: 1) the school's reimbursement actually converts the coach's payment into a nonitemized deduction, which avoids the 2% floor and AMT; and 2) the payment is made for the school's benefit and not as compensation for the coach. Schools have taken notice, and both Tennessee and Cincinnati worded their new coaches' contracts to take advantage of this interpretation. As coaches' salaries and their corresponding buyout obligations go up, we should see more and more of these changes.

We realize most of you won't ever tackle these sorts of seven-figure challenges. But you still need a strong defensive line when you suit up against the IRS. That's where we come in. We give you the plan you need to keep the tax man out of your endzone. But time really is running out to save tax this season. So call us, now, before the IRS runs out the clock!

That's a Lot of Gravy!

Back in 1621, a group of hardy Pilgrims sat down for a three-day festival of thanksgiving to celebrate surviving plague, starvation, cold, scurvy, Indian attack, and all the other obstacles that made life in the "new world" so delightful. They feasted on game birds, flint corn, venison, eels, shellfish, and native vegetables including beans, turnips, carrots, onions, and pumpkins. (No butter or flour, though, which meant no pumpkin pie. And aren't you glad we remember them now for turkey instead of eels?)

242 years later, President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed the first "official" Thanksgiving — a national day of "Thanksgiving and Praise to our benificent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens." Since then, it's become one of America's favorite holidays, a four-day weekend of friends and family without the Christmas-season hype.

You know who else loves Thanksgiving? Our friends at the IRS, of course. That's because they get to stuff themselves with taxes on everything connected with our celebration!

• Sales taxes on turkey and trimmings pile up like calories on your plate. The American Farm Bureau Federation reports that the average 16-pound turkey will cost $21.76 this year. At an average 7.25% combined state and local sales tax, that makes $1.58 in tax for the bird alone. Throw in some potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce, Aunt Edna's special green bean casserole, and the obligatory pumpkin pie, and the taxes alone could feed a hungry diner any other day of the year.

• Sales and excise taxes on beer, wine, and liquor are even higher than on food. Taxes make up 33% of the total cost of a bottle of wine, 44% of the total cost of a case of beer, and even more for the bourbon in Uncle Harry's old fashioned.

• What Thanksgiving would be complete without traveling over the river and through the woods? Here's where Uncle Sam really cleans up. Gas taxes average 49.5 cents per gallon. If you're traveling farther, the taxes on a $376 average plane ticket include a $28.20 federal excise tax, a $3.90 flight segment tax, a $4.50 passenger facility charge, and a $10 "September 11 Security Fee." (That's before you pay even more to check your bag, board early to snag space in an overhead bin, or claim an extra three inches of legroom!) The hotel tax on an average $95.61 room runs $13.12. Oh, and if you're renting a car, plan on another 13.21% tax there. Now you know why the IRS says "cha-ching" when you sing "to Grandmother's house we go!"

All told, Uncle Sam and his colleagues in state and local tax departments take in $3.6 billion in Thanksgiving taxes. That's enough to buy 165 million turkeys — enough to feed every man, woman, and child in America, with plenty left over for sandwiches.

This Thanksgiving season, you're probably not setting a place at the table for Uncle Sam. We can't do much about the tax you'll pay on your celebration. But we can help you with the tax you'll pay on the income you earn to pay for it. So don't be a turkey — call us now for the plan you need, and next year you'll really have something to give thanks for!